The Gift of TraumaMar 19, 2006
Trauma is horrible, and we shouldn't forget that. We all have trauma to one degree or another. We all have "our stuff."
Trauma has the potential to widen and deepen our experience of pain. Which allows us to have a higher "high." Imagine someone who hasn't had much stimulation in either direction, good or bad. Their circumstances are not as wide and as varied to draw from. They have a skinnier history to draw from. So something somewhat "bad" seems potentially horrible - like gas prices going up. Whereas, someone who has lived through a rape, or a major car accident, might not be as affected by social issues. They care, they just have a different historical comparison to weight the situation against.
Trauma also allows us to see that we survived. We went through that stuff and are still here. It didn't kill us.
This is not to say that we should look for trauma, or inflict it on others. Life brings enough of it on its own.
How does pain and trauma allow for growth? Well, let's look again at someone who is sheltered. They never get the challenges to test themselves. The Buddha is the iconic representation of this. He left his palace to learn about life and pain. He was unsatisfied with being given everything. You, your kids, and loved ones will be equally unsatisfied. Have you seen wealthy kids at the mall who have everything? Nothing surprises them, nothing thrills them. They are bored. These kids may begin looking for trauma. They won't know that's what they are doing, but their boredom has the potential to make them look for thrills. Those thrills, in the form of drugs, etc. can end up giving those kids their share of pain. This is a stereotype used only to make the point that pain and growth is a part of life. We can use pain to stimulate our desire to live differently.
Pleasure and pain are related. In the spectrum of self, pleasure and pain mirror one another. To leave the ego realm of pleasure and pain, it can help to go through enough pain to say "I don't want to live this way any more."
It is really important that we process our trauma. We need to begin to work with our pain, and process it fully. We need to feel it, rather than run from it.
Our pain is the substance that we are supposed to traverse to grow. The more of it, the more we want to wake up from it. So as we hate it, from a certain point of view it is a blessing.
We can relax a little with our children and loved ones. We can realize that pain is a part of life, and that we need to allow for some of it to grow. It is often a dis-service to over-protect a child. Pain in general is there to wake you up. It's asking for you to be present. To drop the valuation of the situation. To open your consciousness. This is how we can begin to kill the ego, or wake up from it.
Trauma can jar us free of the ego. It can re-prioritize our lives. Sadness, fear, and anxiety that is the result of trauma can become so loud that we want to put it down. Without that pain, we might never have woken up. We can become sick of being unhappy. That is a very healthy state to be in.
So how do we want to relate to our trauma? Do we want to be fearful of it, or realize that we've been through it, and we've beaten it? It's important that we don't continue the cycle of abuse. It's our responsibility to end the cycle of abuse.
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